RELATIONSHIPS

 

RELATIONSHIP MATHEMATICS

bulletSmart man + smart woman = romance
bulletSmart man + dumb woman = affair
bulletDumb man + smart woman = marriage
bulletDumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
 

OFFICE ARITHMETIC

bulletSmart boss + smart employee = profit
bulletSmart boss + dumb employee = production
bulletDumb boss + smart employee = promotion
bulletDumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
SHOPPING MATH
bulletA man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
bulletA woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
 

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

bulletA woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
bulletA man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
bulletA successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
bulletA successful woman is one who can find such a man.
 

HAPPINESS

bulletTo be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
bulletTo be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
LONGEVITY Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
MEMORY Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
APPEARANCE
bulletMen wake up as good-looking (or ugly) as they went to bed.
bulletWomen somehow deteriorate during the night.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
bulletA woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
bulletA man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
bulletA woman has the last word in any argument.
bulletAnything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
COMPREHENSION There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman :
bulletbefore marriage and
bulletafter marriage.
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
bulletOld aunts used to come up to me at weddings, cackling and poking me in the ribs, telling me, "You're next."
bulletThey stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
MARRIAGE, BEFORE AND AFTER
bulletBefore marriage, man yearns for the woman of his dreams.  After marriage, the "y" is silent

Thanks Maria Renheim + Carol Voderman

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