Creative Puns for Educated Minds

  1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

  2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

  3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

  4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

  5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

  6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

  7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

  8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

  9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

  10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

  11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

  12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

  13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, “You stay here; I'll go on a head”.

  14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

  15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said: “Keep off the Grass”.

  16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, “No change yet”. 

  17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

  18. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

  19. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

  20. A backward poet writes inverse.

  21. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

  22. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

More dreadful (and more dreadful) puns here and here

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Thanks Barry O'Neill

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